C'est La Vie

I had a dream the other night. I was waiting for my life to begin. I woke up with the realization that I have been waiting all along. For some reason, it has been pounded into me that life doesn't really begin until you are married, and have a family of your own. What if I never get married? What if I am not blessed enough to have my own kids? Will my life never start?
But my life is now. I may never get married, and though I think I will miss the white dress, the flowers, and the pretty shoes that a wedding would give me the excuse to buy, I'm not sure I mind the thought of never being married. Many of the marriages that I have been around aren't happy, and I honestly enjoy being my own woman. I realized not long ago that part of the basis I have chosen most of the men I have dated lately is on the fact that they aren't here. I have become accustomed to dating men that are generally away so that when we do see each other it is amazing, and the rest of the time, I get to be me. I get to live my life. So if I am dating people that most likely won't marry me because of their careers, specifically because I want to live my life, but I am scared my life won't begin until I get married, then what am I doing?
But then I look around me, and I realize that I do have a family of my own. I have many children in my life, and I have my urban family, that are as close to me as my sisters. And I have my nieces and nephews, who mean the world to me. I am meant for what my life's journey entails, and a journey doesn't start midway through the trip when you hit a landmark. It starts at the beginning. And I have to admit, my life has been pretty amazing so far, and lately I have been able to do a lot of things that I wouldn't be able to do if I was married.
I do need to get over the fear of losing my identity by adding someone else into my equation. I am known to sabotage that. I will not be canoodling with my ex, at least not at this point. That's a toxic situation that would take me back a year emotionally. My fighter and I had a fun conversation last night, and though it will be at least six months until he is back here, and that leaves me high and dry for a lot longer than I can handle, that's life. Or at least I hear it's what marriage is like.