Step Away From The Ring...

I didn't throw a punch. I held up no white flag. I never even shit in his yard. I just stepped away from the ridiculousness.
I don't know why it took me this long to remember who I am, what's important to me, and what I have found worth fighting for since I was old enough to have an opinion (read: the womb). I have always been a righteous babe, fighting for women's rights, for what I love about this country, about my culture, my faith, my family, and most importantly, what I love about myself. I am not a failure. I am a gorgeous, loving, generous, adorably imperfect, intelligent, sexy minx. I am fabulous AS IS. Anyone wanting to continuously point out my faults, not willing to shower me with unconditional love, and trying to change me to suit their wants and needs can step off.
How it took me a year to recognize how badly I was being manipulated, I have no idea. I guess I just didn't want to be alone anymore, and what was offered on the surface cleverly hid the torrents beneath. The thought of a life without having to work, the ability to travel to exotic places, the prestige of marrying a celebrity, and even the independence of the vast time alone I would have all seeped in to clog my sanity. It didn't hurt that I cared about the guy. What did hurt was him. I felt worthless more times than not. His focus on my body was humiliating, always asking what I had lost, and telling me I could do more if I just stopped eating much at all, and started going to the gym twice what I was. Fifty pounds in 10 weeks was what he expected. He also pounded into my head that his life expectancy was short, but would make a point of telling me he didn't trust me enough to tell me what the exact problem was. He even told me that I wasn't a woman yet, and that he was training me to be one properly. It was the point when he told me that he would never let me around his animals because they would never be cared for by someone as horrible as me, that I cried for days. I let him reason his way through why it is okay to force someone to eat meat, to lose weight, to move away from their home and family, and to hit them, before I took a step back and realized that he goes against EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING I BELIEVE IN. The longer I stooped to be with him, the less I respected myself. Then it hit me. I'm much more valuable than anything he has to offer. He isn't worth it. No man is worth that.
I am a very lucky and blessed girl. I have been saying all this time that I just needed to see it through. I needed to let this relationship with the fighter come to whatever natural conclusion that it was due. And it did. I am very lucky to have come out of it unscathed and unbattered. He never got a chance to lay a hand on me in anger, and for that, I count my blessings. Now, as I block him from what I can, and find ways to save pertinent messages in case he decides that he would still like to deal with me - so that I have some defense, I realize that I have been reminded of one of the biggest dating lessons of all: the most important love affair you'll ever have is with yourself. Keep it true, and keep it healthy. If you're not able to love you, no one else will either.