During a conversation with Mr. X recently, he mentioned that he had a less than satisfactory date. It was someone that he had met from a singles site, and what she mentioned as her interests on her profile didn't match up to her interests in person. This happens somewhat frequently in his experience, primarily with art. These women will state that they like art, meet him at a museum or gallery, and then power walk through it like they are running a marathon, missing all of the art that is around them. It turns out that they aren't interested in art, they just say they are because it seems like they should be. Like women are also supposed to like long walks on the beach. Everything says they are supposed to enjoy them. I hate long walks on the beach. Seriously. Sand is not the most comfortable feeling in sandals or flip flops, and going barefoot only leaves your feet vulnerable to sharp little rocks and broken glass, let alone sea kelp, bird doo-doo, and crabs. Obviously I would never put that on my profile.
At the end of this recent date, Mr. X decided to be honest, and tell her it was nice to meet her, without leaving the opening for another bad date. I love that he did that. He was polite but honest. I just wish that she had been as honest in her profile. It would've saved them both a horrible evening.
I am a very strong believer in honesty when dating. Not brutal honesty. There is never a need for brutality. Well, once, once there was a need for brutal honesty during one of my dates.
On a lark, I went to a singles mingle with my best friend, Stacey. Among the men I met, there was one that stood out because he was overly charismatic. He and his roommate had come out to meet people and have some fun. When he came over to me, he told me that he had three questions to ask me: #1. Was I under 40? #2. Do I have any crazy stalker ex-boyfriends? Aaaaaaaaaaaand #3. Does my hoo-ha stink? Obviously, I was horrified by the third question, but it was the only real turn off with him. I decided that I would remember the offensive question, but not completely dismiss him for it. I accepted the invitation to a date with him later that week.
I ended up having to meet him down south, closer to his area, though he had said he would come up my way. On the way there, I ended up calling and planning a date with the cop I had been seeing on and off for awhile. I should've known then that the date I was on the way to shouldn't be happening.
I met him at the upscale restaurant that he had selected. We sat side by side at the empty bar. This is one of my pet peeves. I want to be able to see the face of the person I am trying to get to know. The only reason to sit side by side on a first date is if there is no other option. Anyway, the restaurant he had selected is one of those that hire "models that serve," so that they can get away with hiring based on appearance. One of my former employees was working for this company at the time, and I knew their hiring process. My date started off by informing me that the restaurant hires strippers, and that's why he selected it. Completely offended by his statement, as now he was referring to my former employee, I corrected him.
During the date, he said a few ridiculous things. He told me that next time we met up, that I should bring all my "bitches" with me. He also told me that I had to work to get into his pants - a comment that came out of nowhere, as there was no way in hell I wanted to have anything to do with his pants. The date was going so bad that I was wholeheartedly considering excusing myself to go to the bathroom, and leaving through the window. It got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore. All niceties were thrown to the wind, and I decided to do a good turn for whatever woman decided to date this ridiculous excuse for a man in the future. I had to be brutally honest with him.
I told him that unfortunately the date was not going as well as he thought it was, and that he had managed to do several things irreparably wrong. He was completely clueless as to what he had done. I informed him that it is not appropriate to: a) take a woman to a place because you think that strippers work there, b) refer to a woman's close friends as her "bitches", c) to assume that every woman wants to get into your pants, and tell them so, and most importantly, d) it is NOT appropriate to ask a woman if her hoo-ha stinks!
He looked at me dumbfounded. He assured me that the hoo-ha thing was funny, and that all the guys he told in the locker room that he asked women that found it hilarious. I decided to put it in a way he would understand: how would he react if a man asked his 16 year old daughter that. He looked at me blankly. Then I asked him what his mother would do if she heard him ask a woman that. I finally knew he understood when he said she would slap him upside the head.
Soon after this difficult lesson, he walked me out to my car. It was one of the weirdest good-byes I have ever had. I had put on my jacket, and he kept trying to "fix" it. He kept tugging at it in different directions. I finally realized that I had emasculated him to an extent that he was impotently trying to save face, and had no way to do it, so he was making an excuse to fix my jacket, which was just fine, in order to feel like there was something he could offer.
My one hope, looking back at all of this, is that my date, and Mr. X's date took away the lesson that Pinocchio learned oh so many years ago. Telling the truth and being a good respectful person that is true to themselves will always get you further than pretending to be something that you are not.
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