I started this blog with the intention of being honest and forthright. I wanted to take a personal look at the life of a thirtysomething single girl, and use humor and wit to make a frustrating situation more palpable. I was hoping to make other single women know that they are not alone in what they face and deal with, and for me to learn something along the way.
I have been torn about whether or not to write about a recent incident in my life, because it was a horrible experience that is difficult to downplay with laughs. I have decided to write about it as best I can, as I know that I am not alone, and neither are those that read this. I apologize that this entry is a bit darker than what I usually write, but it is true.
I had met a man from a singles site, and he and I got along really well. He works with youth like I do, and is right around the same age. He is currently in school so that he can eventually become a teacher, while he is leading an after school program towards leadership. Our love of youth was one of the things that caught our interest in each other. After chatting online for awhile, we eventually started talking on the phone for hours. He had a dry wit that made me laugh, and he found my laughter contagious. The chemistry was noticeable. Finally we decided to meet in person. Earlier this week he invited me to a steakhouse located halfway between our two cities. We had a blast during dinner, which he paid for. He said some outlandish things about sex so straight faced that he got me laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. After dinner he walked me to my car, and hugged me. He wasn't feeling well while I'm hoping to get hired at a new job next week, and I didn't want to catch anything so no kissing.
Over the next few days, I didn't hear much from him. Almost all communication had dropped off, whereas we had been talking for hours before we met. It has been awhile since I had dated anyone even semi-seriously, and I really liked him. I was really bummed. Then yesterday I relented, and texted him in between his class and work schedule. He mentioned that he had been extremely busy, but that he wants me. He said it outright in a text, no hiding behind anything. He was planning on going away for the weekend, and yesterday was (hopefully) going to be my last weekday without work for awhile, so I threw caution to the wind and drove the hour to see him after he invited me to. I had been needing physical contact for awhile, especially cuddling, and we had such great chemistry that I knew it was going to be great.
When I finally got there, I knocked on the door, and heard an ominous "it's open, come in". That sent my nerves on their guard immediately. It seemed rude that I drove an hour and he couldn't even come to the door. I didn't feel any better when I opened the door and he was sitting on his couch in his underwear. Even if we both had the intention to play a little bit - he had already told me he was celibate, so fiddling was going to be the extent of it, it still seemed like he would have at least gone through the motion of putting on pants for me. We cuddled up for a bit and talked, and then he started pushing my head downward. He mentioned how much he enjoyed getting kissed down there. Mind you, we had never kissed on the mouth as of yet. I told him that I prefer to get kissed prior to anything, so he at least condescended to kissing me.
It just got worse from there. Though we didn't actually have intercourse, what he did left me bruised, battered, and humiliated. I was actually in tears, pushing him off me at one point. When I told him what I had issues with, he explained that he is aggressive. There is a huge difference between aggression and manhandling a woman and degrading her. I rinsed off in his shower before leaving, because I couldn't imagine driving for an hour with the feel of that man's touch on me. On my way home, I drove through a fast food joint and ordered a large meal and a shake, in order to have something to focus on rather than what had just happened. When I got home, I took another shower - sitting on the edge of the tub, my head in my hands, with the water pouring all over me. I just felt violated, used, and debased. On top of it all, I was crushed. I had really liked him, and hoped something would happen there. I'm still having a hard time putting together the facts that the guy that was so great is in actuality so horrible.
The good thing about all of this is Persephone, my best friend that I have been estranged from for several months. I absolutely love Perse, but I have had an extremely tough summer. I couldn't handle more problems than what was completely necessary. It meant that I had to distance myself from a few friends over the last few months, including Perse. After what happened yesterday, though, I desperately needed someone that I could talk about it with frankly, including the lurid details. The only friend that I have that would not only listen to the whole thing and give good advice, but also wouldn't be uncomfortable doing so, and would even commiserate is Perse. We talked last night for awhile, and it felt really good. And today, while I have still been in an awful funk (I actually turned down a date with a gorgeous man tonight solely because I couldn't fathom talking to any man today) Perse has been making me laugh and making me feel human. God bless her. No matter how bad the situation is, it helps to have a friend help lead you through when you can't do it yourself.
